Tuesday, February 15, 2005

New Shoooooes?

I was in a shoe shop today. This is not a rare occurence as I can often be found in shoe shops, but I do not grace the shoe shop with my presence to achieve what many would consider the ultimate goal of entering a shoe shop, and that is to buy shoes.

No, I go into shoe shops to try and buy shoes. You see, no matter how hard I try, however many attempts I make and however often I hold a particular brand of footwear up to my face to peer eagerly at it's fine stitching and emblazoned logo to at least try and fool others into thinking that I know what I'm looking for, I fail to make a purchase. Every time.

My attention wanders, you see. I think about anything - everything in fact, that has nothing to do with shoes. I can be happily staring into the space roughly half a metre past the Doc Martins I hold in my grasp while I think about popcorn, or cats, or cats with popcorn glued to their ears, or microwave ovens that are friendly and talk to you in the morning. Nothing can distract me from this. Not even the shoe shop assistant, so eager to help, can wrench my gaze from whatever it is I'm not looking at to inform me that the shop is closing and I've been standing there for roughly forty-five minutes.

Today, for example, I went into the shop, I sat down and was offered a pair of size 10 shoes to try on (for that is the size of feet that I possess - you learn something new every day!) and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't think of anything but this -

In the Super Mario series of games, Mario somehow has the ability to pick things up without the use of his hands. Not even that, but he seems to offer no obvious method by which items are procured. Coins, power-up mushrooms, invincibility stars. All that these things require to be taken from their lofty perch atop an almost equally imporbable floaty block is to be walked into.

What if this happened all the time in real life? Objects would randomly disappear upon collision with a human body, only to reappear as nothing more than a number in the corner of your vision, or a curious after effect - possibly causing the unfortunate victim to grow to the size of a large oak tree.

As I held the shoe in my hand, I found myself perplexed by this. I tried touching the shoe a few times to see if I could "pick it up", but alas, nothing happened. I placed the shoe on the ground, stood up and walked out. I'd forgotten what I'd come in for.


  • maybe you couldn't physically 'pick it up.' but in your mind you did. that shoe is now in your mind. so in a sense. you have absorbed something of it's nature.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at February 21, 2005 at 5:10 PM  

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