Saturday, September 03, 2005

Jokes

A man walks into a doctors waiting room, he goes up to the receptionist and says "I would like to see the doctor". The receptionist says "I'm sorry, you can't see the doctor. He's an invisible man". "Okay", the man says "Tell him I can't see him". Then the doctor comes out of his office and starts doing crazy shit like moving pencils and chairs around and everyone thinks it's a ghost because he's invisible and no-one can see him. Everyone in the crowded waiting room tries to rush for the exit. In the ensuing panic, three people are killed.
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A man walks into a laundrette and puts some clothes into a washing machine. Because of some faulty wiring, the machine explodes and takes half his face off.
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A Scotsman, and Englishman and an Irishman are in a library. The Scotsman is really loud and keeps farting. The Englishman asks why he keeps doing this. The Scotsman replies, and screams "I don't know. I don't know why I keep screaming and farting. I can't help it. It terrifies me. I can't sleep at night." Meanwhile, the Irishman lives up to his stereotype and sits in the corner
getting pissed.
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A nun and a rabbi are in a pub. For some reason the rabbi falls over. He eventually gets up again. The nun looks at him, confused. Then she falls over and is all like "What the hell's going on?". Then the rabbi falls over again. He exclaims "What's happening? Is there something wrong with the gravity in here?". Then for no apparent reason, the pub explodes.
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Three birds are sitting in a tree. One of the birds explodes for no apparent reason. One of the other birds gets caught up in the flames and catches on fire. The third bird just sits and stares at this gory scene, dumbfounded. Years later, he'll have flashbacks. His life will never be the same again.
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Q: What's the difference between a rugby team and the cast of Eastenders?
A: Lots and lots of things. I dont think the cast of Eastenders could play rugby, anyway.

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