Monday, January 23, 2006

Where did December go?

Did it go to the toilet and never return?

Where, oh where have the last two months gone? It now appears to be January and I've not updated my blog even one tiny iota during that period. This is truly tragic. What possible excuses could I have for not placing myself at my desk and burping forth words for the past 8 weeks? Well, in true Howard Nebulator blogging style, I shall explain...

1) Christmas.

Like a noisy child that just won't shut up even though you've given him many, many things to play with including - in no specific order - pipes, insulating foam, car alarms, toxins and Play-Doh, Christmas turned up on my doorstep and demanded to be let in. Now, being a reasonable person, I had to oblige. And anyway, if I had refused, Christmas would have no doubt struck me down and stolen my hat, as it has done with countless other Christmas-deriding heathens in the past.

It's not so much the idea of Christmas that irks me - being nice to people for a change is quite a smashing plan - more the incessant commercialism that gets force fed into my face feet first, like a mewling puppy being launched forth from a catapult. And no, I don't see the similarities either. But anyway, shopping, more shopping and shopping seemed to be the order of the day, so I did none of that and just sat in a darkened room for roughly three weeks doing nothing but sneering at the wallpaper and occasionally venturing to the shop for teabags.

2) Skiing Holiday

This was a lot of fun. And even though it lasted but a week, it seemed to take up a lot more time. I spent the week before being hugely excited about going on a skiing holiday, and making skiing noises at every given opportunity (beep beep). I spent the week afterwards being hugely excited about having been on a skiing holiday and taking every opportunity to tell everyone about the wonderful, wonderful injuries that I sustained whilst on said holiday (I bruised my arm and sprained my thumb). I also tried snowboarding and hurt my arse a lot with the sitting and the falling over and the Oh-my-god-I-can't-slow-down.

3) New Year

This was also fun, but I was very drunk and can't remember a thing. Sorry. Although I did wake up, half naked up a tree with a bottle of gin to find most of the cast of Eastenders circled around the base chanting and screaming as an angry mob wielding pitchforks and torches and demanding "Vengeance".

It was a good night, I assume.